Failure to Launch and My First Week Back

Well, last Monday was to be my first day back to work, but I had forgotten to get the work release from my doctor on Friday when I saw her, so I had to call Monday morning. I got up at the time I usually get up on weekdays, got my shower and got dressed in my work clothes and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally about ten o'clock I called my supervisor and told her what the situation was. I was home, but I didn't want to start anything in case the call came in and I had to rush off to work. I needn't have worried. They called about noon, but didn't fax the work release to my office until 4:15, so that kind of shot the day.

Tuesday was my first day back. Everyone was happy to see me, and I found I had actually kind of missed the place. It took some time to settle in, but it was a regular work day with work, phone calls and customers. I left feeling very tired. That night my friend Linda came over for pizza and movies. Wewatched some taped stuff, Castle and the first season of Highlander, which I had rented. We got the giggles over some of it, and that was fun, but I was beat and went to bed as soon as she left.

The next day I got up tired. At about noon, I hit the wall. Completely drained. I hung in there until 3:00, when Brenda, bless her, said she'd stay until 5:00 (she was due to leave at 4:30) if I wanted to go. I talked to the supervisor, Shirl (who was standing in for Stacy, who had called in sick), and she let me go home. As soon as I got home I lay down on the couch and was asleep in about two minutes. The next day I talked to Stacy and decided I would do half days for the rest of the week.

I get so frustrated that I'm not back to 100%, but I guess I have to face it, I'm not. My friend Sarah had hernia surgery last year and said she took six weeks off and then worked half days for ten days after that. I was only off for three weeks, so I guess that makes the difference. Very frustrating.

My mother and I took Kara down to EIU for a new student preview yesterday. Long day with lots of walking. It was fun to see the campus and get the tours, but I was beat when it was over, and I drove both ways back and forth to Charleston.

When we got home I had to take a nap and was still very tired when I got up. I finished my bachelor's degree at EIU, but did it part time through our local community college, Parkland, so I was only on campus a few times. If I could do things over I would have gone to EIU right out of high school and had that experience. I love that campus! It's smaller and friendlier than the U of I, which is in my home town. I think I would have been happy at EIU. Ah well, live and learn.

If only we could have re-do's in life! I know certain people who say they would never go back and change anything in their lives, but personally, I have LOTS of things I'd do differently. Let me count the ways. *Sigh* Yesterday I was wondering how different would my life have been if I'd gone away to college.

I have, I think, finally weaned myself away from the compression bandage. I have worn it long after I needed to, just because, to me, it felt better to keep wearing it, but today I put on the actual bra with the inserts, or should I say, insert, in it. I was wearing both with the compression bandage and jogging bra because the compression bandage flattened me out even on the good side, but with the bra I just need the insert for the right side.

Got a call from the plastic surgeon's nurse. I had called them earlier to tell them I was not going to have to do chemo, and the nurse called back to say: "Come on in! We'll let you try on some sizes!"

Well, the bad news is, I don't think I will have the money to pay for augmenting the good side, so the bad side will just have to get reconstructed to its old, small size. Poo. I am disappointed, but maybe when I save enough I can get both sides done. I know I mentioned this before, but it's pretty much a certainty now. Bummer.

Not much else to report. I went and got the blood test for the BRCA test. Now it will be sent off to Utah for processing. I'll know the results in about two weeks.

I have been doing a lot of walking and trying to stretch out the muscle in my arm on the right side. That's all the exercise I can do right now, but I see the U of I is doing a program of exercise for breast cancer survivors. It's also a study so the participants get a small compensation. I think I will sign up tomorrow.

That's all for now. Tak care!