Some Perpectives and More Stream of Consciousness Thoughts

First let me say that I read something recently that makes a lot of sense. It said, just because someone has worse problems than you doesn't mean you don't have problems. That being said, the other day Oprah (another show I've started to watch since I've been home) had the woman who had been mauled and mutilated by that chimpanzee last year. Dear God. That is the most horrible thing! The chimp gouged her eyes out, ripped most of her face off and took off most of both of her hands. I can't tell you how horrified I am by this. That poor woman! In face of all this she is very courageous to go on public TV and show how her face is now. I hate to say this, but if it were me, I would have preferred to have just died. I don't know how she goes on. My heart and my prayers truly go out to her and her family.

When I went for my first biopsy, there was a Haitian woman in the waiting room with her interpreter. This was shortly after the earthquake in Haiti. Those people are still suffering to this day. That was reminder to myself that other people were suffering as much or more than I was. That is not to say I, and others with breast cancer, are not dealing with some serious matters here, it just puts things in a bit of perspective to me. This is just my take on it, I would not presume to judge or speak for anyone else.

As for updates on my condition, I have to say, just when I think I'm out of the woods, something else comes up. I go back to work Monday after taking three weeks off. I can't afford to take more time than that, especially since I will have to take some time off in two months to have my reconstruction done. Speaking of the reconstruction. My insurance will pay for the reconstruction of my right breast in full, but if I choose to do an upgrade insurance will not pay for the left to be augmented. That leaves the bill to me, and I think it will be about $3000. I may have to just have my right done the same small size as always, and then maybe later, when I have the money (I would have to save for quite a while to do it), I can get both enlarged a bit. That's kind of a bummer, since that was one bright spot in all this, but I have to be realistic and my finances are just too tight right now.

I went to see the genetic counselor yesterday. My mother went two weeks ago and just as I was about to leave for the appointment, my mother called to say that her test had come back negative. That means she doesn't have to have both breast and ovaries removed to prevent certain kinds of cancer from recurring. Apparently even at her age her ovaries are putting out estrogen (I think I mentioned this before, didn't I?) and that's the culprit here. I was very happy to hear that since it seems I get so little good news on this front lately. However, when I went the counselor said that my insurance will pay for a more extensive test than my mother's and it still could come back positive. Just when you think you are out of the woods... I have to get blood drawn and then they will send it to Utah to do the more extensive test. Keep your fingers crossed for me. My mom is fully prepared to have all things removed if it comes back positive, but I am not. We'll see.

I went back to the surgeon yesterday, too, to see about any damage I could have done when I lifted too much, but he seemed to think it was okay. He aspirated me again and let me go. *Phew!* I was nervous I'd truly messed things up.

I go to the oncologist tonight at 5:30 to see about the test done on my tumor. The one that will provide more info as to whether I should do chemo or not. I am a little nervous about that. If I have to do the chemo I will, but I really don't want to.

Anyway, when I know more I will let you know!

Tracy